Understanding Emotional Avoidance in Empaths

As empaths, we often find ourselves caught in a cycle of overproductivity. It's not uncommon for our sensitive nature to interpret even the simplest tasks as significant threats, triggering our fight-or-flight response. 

Join me, your host, and holistic counselor Kristen Schwartz, as we delve into this unique interplay between our empathic nature and productivity. 

We'll uncover the hidden emotional avoidance that often fuels our busyness and discuss concrete strategies for breaking free from this cycle.

The conversation takes a turn in the second half of the episode, where we shine the spotlight on self-care and boundary setting. 

As empaths, our tendency to take on more than we can handle often stems from a lack of firm boundaries. I share my insights on the power of setting boundaries with ourselves as a first step toward healthy interactions with others. 

Tune in as we always challenge societal pressure to be productive and champion the art of rest and reflection.

By the end of this episode, I promise you'll understand the intricate relationship between rest, productivity, and well-being and be ready to embrace rest as a sign of strength.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

You're listening to the Realized Empath Podcast, where we get real about loving and stumbling through our sensitive lives with your host and holistic counselor, Kristin Schwartz, who helps redefine what's possible for an empath who embraces a path of self-healing.

Kristen Schwartz: 0:22

Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of the Realized Empath Podcast. I am your host, Kristen Schwartz, and I am thrilled to have you here with me today. In today's episode, we are going to discuss a topic that might resonate deeply with many of you. It confuses the confuse productivity with nervous system activation and the fight or flight response. As empaths, our heightened sensitivity often leads us down this path, and it's important to gain clarity on how to navigate these waters. So grab a favorite cup of tea, find a cozy spot and let's get started To kick things off. Let's talk about what it means to be an empath I I know that if you listen to each weekly episode, you hear this a lot but for those who are just joining us, I think it's important to revisit this each time.

Kristen Schwartz: 1:24

As empaths, we possess a unique gift. Although a lot of times we may not think of it as a gift, we have this ability to deeply sense and perceive the emotions and the energies around us. While this sensitivity allows us to connect profoundly, it also opens us up to challenges, including not recognizing when we're becoming overwhelmed. We can become overproductive when and when our body and our nervous system respond to the stress we can actually become overproductive. To help us cope with the emotional overwhelm. It's common for empaths to find themselves in a cycle of perpetual busyness, thinking we're being productive, when in fact it's our nervous systems in overdrive due to external stimuli, due to everything that we're perceiving and noticing in the world, and this can lead to confusion and eventually burnout. So let's explore together how this phenomenon unfolds. So picture this You're racing through tasks, crossing items off your to-do list, feeling totally accomplished, but have you ever stopped to ask yourself am I truly being productive or am I just caught in the whirlwind of nervous system activation? Imagine if you will be standing in front of a seemingly innocent task like writing a short email or maybe even making a simple phone call, and your your heart begins to and a raise, your palms , and and a wave of unease or tension washes over you. What just happened in that moment? It is as if your body hit the panic button for no Your reason. But here's the your your brain might be reading this task as a ferocious lion ready to pounce.

Kristen Schwartz: 3:33

And I resonate so deeply with this example because I used to think for years I prided myself on the fact that I wasn't a procrastinator. When I set my mind to something, I get it done, which is a strength right, you think of it as a strength, not procrastinating but what I didn't realize and what I really wasn't tuned into like I noticed it but I wasn't really giving it the attention it deserved was how my body felt when I was given just a simple task and maybe not. Sometimes they weren't simple, maybe they were long drawn out tasks that were gonna take weeks to complete. It didn't really matter, it was just the task itself. When I know that there is something that I need to do or want to do or have on my to-do list, my body feels like this tension in my chest and a tightness in my throat. What I have always done is I attack the task I need to get it finished only because I'm wanting my body to feel better. I'm wanting to let go of the tension. What I realized is okay once the task is done, eventually my body calms down. I never put two and two together that I can actually go into that task and not feel the way that I was feeling.

Kristen Schwartz: 4:54

So, in the intricate jungle of your mind and my mind, certain triggers can ignite the ancient survival mode known as fight or flight. It's the shadowy corners of our thoughts that misinterpret a small task as a looming danger, so that innocent email? Suddenly my brain translates it as a confrontation with a saber-toothed tiger. Or the simplicity of just dialing a phone number, my mind might be convinced that I'm about to face a huge wild bear. So picture your brain's control room with its colorful buttons and flashing lights, and one button is labeled sudden danger and another stay safe. So when we encounter a task involving the unknown, or, let's say, social interactions, these buttons might get pushed simultaneously. And the result of that is my body. Your body readies itself to wrestle the lion, which is fight, or make a mad dash for safety, which is flight In my instance. Right, so I would go into fight, I would go into like over-productivity, get it done, get it done, get it done. But my body is feeling like I'm fighting in a war where some people might go into flight, where they don't take any action whatsoever.

Kristen Schwartz: 6:25

But both of those come from nervous system activation, our empathic nature. What does this have to do with being an empath? Because all humans encounter this, like all humans have nervous systems, all humans go into fight or flight. So what makes this specifically unique for empaths? Well, our empathic nature often compels us to take on more than we can handle. So we end up saying yes when we should say no, and we immerse ourselves in various activities because we're trying to distract ourselves from the overwhelming sensations that we pick up, and this can trick us into believing we're productive, but essentially we're running away from our empathic reality. So let's explore a little deeper into our actual fight or flight response.

Kristen Schwartz: 7:17

Our body survival mechanism kicks in when our nervous system gets activated, and it can get activated due to external stimuli or emotional triggers, and the response it was crucial for our ancestors, who faced physical threats all the time, like every time they stepped out that they were going to risk their lives, whether it be through animals or whether or famine or disease. Still in our times, it's that activation still gets triggered by emotional stressors. So when our nervous system is getting activated by our to-do list, it's like a cascade of reactions occur in our body. An activated nervous system is like a built-in alarm system that's responding, but now it responds to tasks that we need to accomplish, and when that happens, our brain releases stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, which increase our heart rate and make us breathe faster, and this is our body's way of preparing us to face a huge challenge and, at the same time, our brains focus and our alertness increases, making us more attentive to the tasks at hand, making us able to really zone in right and get what we need to get done. So, yes, activation can help us tackle our to-do list effectively. But finding a balance is important so our nervous system doesn't get overwhelmed, so we're not constantly flooded with stress hormones. That eventually leads to breakdown and disease. When we start working on tasks, our nervous system can switch between two modes the sympathetic mode, often called the fight-or-flight response right, and then the parasympathetic mode, known as rest and digest state. The sympathetic mode gears you up for action, boosting your energy and attention, and then, on the other hand, the parasympathetic mode helps you relax and recover after completing a task. It's kind of like a seesaw, like your nervous system keeps shifting between these modes based on your actions and feelings. So understanding this dynamic can help us manage our tasks more efficiently, and then that can ensure that we're taking breaks and letting your nervous system find balance again.

Kristen Schwartz: 10:02

As impasse, we can be prone to internalizing others' emotions and that can trigger our fight-or-flight response and it can lead to this constant hyperactivity, which leaves us restless and anxious and disconnected from our true selves. It's really common to find ourselves caught in the trap of hyperproductivity, almost like as a way to escape our intense feelings. So immersing ourselves in a flurry of tasks and projects can create almost like a temporary shield against the overwhelming emotions that we can pick up from all around us. So this constant busyness might seem like we're just being productive, but it's actually a form of emotional avoidance. So when we focus on external activities, what we're doing as impasse is we're diverting our attention from our inner experience and emotions to something external that we can hyper focus on, and it's an avoidance tactic which might provide temporary relief but eventually affects our well-being, contributing to a heightened nervous system activation cycle, and a lot of times it's almost like it becomes such a natural state of being.

Kristen Schwartz: 11:28

Myself, for example, I was so disconnected I thought that was just how it was. I thought the only way out of that cycle was just to get the tasks done immediately, without stopping, without eating lunch, without taking care of myself. I thought that was the only way to get out of an activated nervous system state. So what does true productivity look like then? Especially for impasse, it's basically finding the delicate balance between accomplishing tasks and nurturing our well-being. Instead of mindlessly rushing through tasks to escape our feelings, we can focus more on actions that align with our authentic selves. So true productivity for impasse involves cultivating self-awareness and practicing self-care. So remember when I told you that for years, when I would be given a task, my body would go into activation, my nervous system would go into activation and obviously I would notice it enough to dive into the task and get it done right. But I really wasn't self-aware in that why I was feeling that way. If this was a healthy response to a task, like I wasn't willing to actually sit back and try to soothe or calm or meet my body's needs in that moment for safety. It also means that we need to set healthy boundaries and learn to say no when necessary and learn to give ourselves space.

Kristen Schwartz: 13:03

Right, it's the sense of urgency. Like whenever there's a sense of urgency, you know that more than likely your nervous system is activated. It can be as simple as like when the phone rings, you wait and maybe answer it on the third ring. Notice what comes up, notice what happens with your body, or even when a text comes through. Take some time this week and notice how your body and mind respond to a text and the stories that your mind might spin on if you don't respond to a text right away or you wait a day to respond.

Kristen Schwartz: 13:36

Think about the 1980s, before there were cell phones, when the telephone rang at your house and you weren't home. You didn't know the phone rang, like you were able to be present in whatever you were doing. You wouldn't know that anyone called until you got home that day and people knew, just expected that you would get back to them when you got the message. But nowadays there's a sense of urgency around everything, like people assume that if you send a text and that person always has their phone, they should be answering. Like there's this expectation that everyone should be in this hyper-vigilant state of reaction and response immediately, and our bodies aren't wired for that. So it's like we need to get back to taking a breath, giving ourselves space to respond, bringing ease back into our day and checking ours and others' expectations of ourselves and the expectations we have of others to be in this constant state of alertness. So how do we navigate the path forward? If we often confuse nervous system activity for productivity? How can we actually assist our body and mind as we learn new ways to show up for ourselves. One way we can do it is through mindful awareness, so you want to start becoming more aware of your body's cues. When you notice the familiar signs of nervous system activation, like rapid heart rate, shallow breathing, tension and so on, I want you to, I want to invite you to pause and take a deep breath. Just this simple act can actually ground you to the present moment and bring you back.

Kristen Schwartz: 15:27

Another important piece is prioritizing your self care. Again, I want to invite you to dedicate daily time to engage in activities that actually nourish your soul, whether it's meditation or time in nature or a hobby. These moments of self care help to balance the intensity of your empathic experiences. It wouldn't be a realized empath podcast without mentioning setting boundaries. You want to practice setting clear boundaries with yourself and others. Now I'll tell you a little tip here.

Kristen Schwartz: 16:06

When people come to me and they say I'm really having difficulty setting boundaries with other people, like I don't know how to move forward with this, I'm stuck in fear, or I'm afraid of how they'll react, I say this start with setting boundaries with yourself first. Get really clear on where you are ignoring your limits, ignoring your body's signs and cues, pushing yourself past your limits. Notice that first and set those with yourself first and follow through and build your strength around your own boundaries. It will naturally feel more at home then to start practicing setting them with other people. Really start to notice and understand that declining invitations or requests that don't align with your energy levels and needs are okay. We want to start embracing rest and reflection and bringing back ease and stepping away from this urgency culture. We need to start allowing ourselves the space to rest and reflect without guilt, to not answer the texts, to not answer the phone, to take your time to reply to the email without guilt. Taking breaks, taking your time and giving yourself the space that you need does not equate to laziness or procrastination or under productivity. When we are truly self-aware and we're giving ourselves the space to then start the task, we aren't procrastinating because we're in a state of self-awareness, we're intentional, we know what we're doing, we're not avoiding, we're being present to our needs and then we begin the task in that same energy presence intentional. That's also vital for maintaining a healthy nervous system. What is your relationship with rest? Do you truly allow yourself the ease of slowing down In our culture today, urgency is almost like the norm, but rest is a crucial ingredient to our well-being, just like water and air.

Kristen Schwartz: 18:26

We can trick ourselves into believing that we don't need rest or that resting means that we're lazy. I get that. In this fast-paced world, the value of rest often gets overshadowed by the pressure to always be productive. We might push ourselves through tiredness, thinking it's a sign of strength, but in reality, denying our self-rest leads to burnout and then affects our physical and mental health. I don't know how many times I have pushed myself through tiredness or overwhelm, thinking that if I stopped that I would lose momentum, that I would fall behind. In reality, what ended up happening was I pushed myself through my limits, I crashed on the other end of it, and then a crash could last weeks or months. I create the environment that leads to me falling behind, but it was never because that one specific task. It was because I pushed myself past my limits and then I would crash.

Kristen Schwartz: 19:34

Remember, rest isn't a sign of weakness or laziness. It's a fundamental need that allows us to keep going right. We rest so we can keep going. It allows our body and mind to recharge and repair, just like our iPhones need to be charged in. We too need to be refreshed and charged. Our bodies need rest to function at their best.

Kristen Schwartz: 19:57

Embracing rest basically means taking care of ourselves, honoring our limits and ensuring we have the energy to face life's challenges with clarity and resilience. So, like I said before, I challenge you to let your phone ring three times before you answer or give yourself space to reply to an email. Notice what comes up for you when you choose space over urgency. So, as we wrap up this episode, remember that being an empath is a beautiful gift. Your ability to connect deeply with others and offer compassion is so needed in this world. You can actually harness your strengths and thrive in your personal and professional life by untangling the web of confusing urgency and productivity with nervous system activation.

Kristen Schwartz: 20:53

Give yourself the space and the care that you need to do life, to do the task with intention and love and compassion. Thank you for joining me on this journey of self discovery and growth. And remember you're not alone in this path. You have an empathic community here and realized empath that understand what you're going through and they're here to walk this journey with you. Until next time, take care of yourselves and embrace the wonderful beings that you are Remember. If you found this episode insightful, please subscribe to Realize Empath and leave a review. Stay tuned for more episodes where we explore the various aspects of being an empath and navigating life's challenges with grace and authenticity, sending you love and light. Goodbye for now.

Speaker 1: 21:42

Thanks for listening to the Realized Empath podcast. Revisit past episodes or contact Kristen at Realized Empathcom. Did you love this episode? Please share it with a friend. Thanks for tuning in, Until next time. Sensitive souls.