Debunking Myths and Embracing the Power of Sensitivity

Did you ever feel like your sensitivity is misunderstood as a weakness? Or perhaps you're unsure if you're a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) or an empath? This episode of our Realized Empath Podcast sets the record straight. 

We dive head-first into the misconceptions about HSPs and help you understand the difference between HSPs and empaths. We also offer empowering responses when your sensitivity is misjudged. We share some intriguing findings from the Neuroscience Research Institute of the University of California and Dr. Elaine Aaron to sweeten the pot.

But we don't stop there! We flip the script and celebrate sensitivity as a superpower, not a flaw. Through the inspiring story of an HSP who harnessed their sensitivity to embody their strength, we illustrate the power of sensitivity. 

We emphasize the importance of self-acceptance for HSPs and highlight the role of a supportive community. Spoiler alert: HSPs can be extroverted, introverted, or a blend of both. So, gear up for an enlightening journey to embrace your sensitivity and redefine what being a Highly Sensitive Person means.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

You're listening to the Realized Empath Podcast, where we get real about loving and stumbling through our sensitive lives With your host and holistic counselor, Kristin Schwartz, who helps redefine what's possible for an empath who embraces a path of self-healing.

Speaker 2: 0:21

Hello everybody and welcome back to the Realized Empath Podcast. Thank you for tuning in. So today we're going to discuss something close to all of our hearts. So I thought it would be a good day to discuss something close to all of our hearts the most misunderstood aspects of being a highly sensitive person. So if you're a highly sensitive person or you know someone who is, you see this trait is often misunderstood or even overlooked. So today let's lighten the essence of being an HSP, grab your favorite cup of tea and embark on this enlightening journey with me.

Speaker 2: 1:00

So there's lots of talk about the differences between highly sensitive people and empaths. Here's something that I believe. I believe that all empaths are highly sensitive people, though I don't believe that every highly sensitive person is an empath. So what's the difference between a highly sensitive person and an empath? Well, to keep it simple, it's the empath feels the feelings in their body and the highly sensitive person picks up on the feelings. It's tuned in to seeing how that person feels and the empath actually feels that feeling within their body. So what is an HSP? So a highly sensitive person is more aware of their surroundings and tend to process information on deeper levels. A HSP, or highly sensitive person has heightened emotional and also sensory sensitivities. So what this means is they often process and feel emotions more deeply and are more attuned to the stimuli in their environment, like loud noises and strong smells, for instance.

Speaker 2: 2:18

So the actual term, highly sensitive person, was made popular in the 1990s by psychologist Dr Elaine Aaron. I know in recent years there's been speculation about Dr Elaine Aaron and that there are even people online that are saying that she and her children were later diagnosed with autism. But when you do the research and you look for evidence of that, there is no evidence, it's just speculation. And there's plenty of studies that show that highly sensitive trait is something separate than autism. If you're interested in looking at more data or some scientific research about how autism is different from high sensitivity, there was a study led by Dr Bianca Acevedo of the Neuroscience Research Institute of the University of California and it's a pretty exhaustive analysis. It's 27 papers comparing high sensitivity, autism and other conditions. You can find it on the internet and it refers to high sensitivity by its formal name, which is sensory processing sensitivity, or SPS. So in the 90s, dr Elaine Aaron theorized that this trait evolved because sensitive individuals were more alert to potential environmental threats, making them valuable to members of the early human societies. Around 15 to 20% of the population is believed to possess this trait and it's found in many species, not just humans.

Speaker 2: 4:02

So now that we have a base for what it means to be a highly sensitive person, let's talk about some of the misconceptions of being a highly sensitive person, the first one being sensitivity is a weakness. So how often have you heard you're too sensitive or toughen up or I was just joking when you have some type of an emotional reaction to something? So this misconception stigmatizes sensitivity as a flaw, and HSPs ability to perceive human nuance and empathize and deeply connect with their environment can be a strength. And for artists to therapists, their deep insight make them successful in their fields and make us successful in many fields. So let's talk about.

Speaker 2: 4:56

I thought it would be helpful if I gave you some examples of how someone might insinuate that you're too sensitive and then give you some empowering responses. So here are five examples of what you might have heard from another person insinuating that your sensitivity is a weakness. Number one you always take things so personally, or why do you let everything get to you? Or maybe you've heard you need to toughen up, or it's just a joke. Why are you so affected? Or you're always overreacting or overthinking. Now I can imagine if you're like me, you've had varying levels of responses and reactions to comments like that, and maybe you've been able to hold it together and say something empowering back to that person. But I can't count how many times I have gone like deer and headlights frozen, and I always think of something to say hours or days later. So here are five empowering responses that you can use the next time someone insinuates that your sensitivity is a weakness.

Speaker 2: 6:09

The first one I value deep connections and authenticity, which allows me to truly understand and empathize with others. Or feeling things deeply allows me to experience life in rich and profound ways. Or my sensitivity is a strength it allows me to be more intuitive and aware of my surroundings. Or it's important for me to stand up for what I believe in, even in the small moments. Or I process things deeper, which can be a powerful tool in understanding situations in people. Here's a bonus one. I'm sorry you're uncomfortable with my feelings, but my feelings are just the right amount.

Speaker 2: 6:47

So did you know that highly sensitive people can be introverted, extroverted or a mixture of both? That is the topic of misconception number two. A lot of people think that highly sensitive people or empaths are only introverts. While there are plenty of highly sensitive people that are introverted, not all are. Being sensitive isn't synonymous with being introverted. There's many extroverted HSPs and they thrive in social settings, but, like the beauty of nuance, they still may get overwhelmed by stimuli. An introverted, highly sensitive person or an empath may feel most comfortable in smaller groups or solitary settings, and they may find large gatherings or busy environments overwhelming because they're not just processing their own feelings and experiences, but also the emotional energy of those around them. Imagine walking into a room and feeling like you're receiving emotional signals from everyone that's present. It's a lot to take in when you think about it, and so, to manage introverted empaths often prefer one-on-one interactions or small groups where they can deeply connect without feeling so overwhelmed, and, on the other hand, the extroverted, highly sensitive person or the extroverted empath can thrive in larger social settings.

Speaker 2: 8:16

Despite being sensitive to the emotions of others, they're able to more. They're able to harness their sensitivity differently, like, instead of feeling overwhelmed. They often use their empathic abilities to navigate social situations, connecting with various individuals and even uplifting the energy of a group. Although the extroverted, highly sensitive person might still need moments to recharge, they can actually oscillate between being the life of the party and the person offering a shoulder to cry on, all in the same evening. There's no cookie cutter mold that applies to all of us when it comes to our traits and personalities and strengths and weaknesses, and we're all beautifully unique and should be equally celebrated.

Speaker 2: 9:07

Both introverted and extroverted empaths share the common ability to deeply understand and connect with others. The main difference lies in how they manage and express this gift. Whether you're introverted or extroverted, the key is understanding your boundaries and ensuring you give yourself the time and space to recharge. That brings us to misconception. Number three HSPs are overly emotional. Sensitivity does not equate to being constantly on an emotional or roller coaster. Highly sensitive people do feel deeply, but they're not necessarily overreacting. They're processing their environment more intensely. They're processing their environment more intensely. So it's vital to differentiate between depth of processing and being too emotional or over emotional or just emotional, used in the context as something is wrong with the person. Depth of processing is an innate trait where individuals absorb and analyze information more profoundly and they reflect on nuances and also they reflect on implications and emotions. It's basically like having a mental filter that catches more details and processes them on multiple levels. The downside if we could call it that of intense processing in everyday situations can be that it can manifest strong reactions to certain things and that leads to misconceptions, so some people that are observers can mistakenly label it as being overly emotional.

Speaker 2: 11:12

When individuals with deep processing abilities are constantly mislabeled as overly emotional, it can seriously have damaging effects. First, it dismisses the genuine experiences and insights of the person. It basically suggests that their feelings are just excessive reactions rather than well-thought-out responses. What happens over time is that these individuals might begin to doubt the validity of their feelings. What happens over time is these individuals might begin to doubt the validity of their own feelings and they might end up thinking they're just overreacting or being too sensitive. What ends up happening is this internalized criticism that ends up building up can lead to diminished self-esteem, reduced trust in ourselves and a hesitancy to share genuine emotions and thoughts. It also denies the person opportunity to fully engage with the world authentically. So think about this, because I've been in these situations before. I've had certain people in my life who now I understand that, because of this person's own trauma, that they may behave this way, but that doesn't make it less hurtful or even healthy to be around.

Speaker 2: 12:48

You can have people that not just deny the big feelings that might be labeled as negative, let's say anger or grief or sadness. They may be uncomfortable and diminish your feelings in that, but then they equally diminish when you want to share wins and you have excitement and you have great things happening in your life. It's like this emotional invalidation that happens and you never forget what that feels like. Because for me, when I'm describing this, because this same person does the same thing, shuts down my wins and also shuts down my pain, and when people do that to you, you're not able to be authentic, you can't be yourself, because as a whole healthy human being, you come with emotions and feelings and you want to be able to express. When a win happens in your life and you're excited about it, and you want to be able to express your full spectrum of emotions and feelings about that. When, same thing, when you're going through a difficult situation that brings up big feelings and sadness and grief, you also want to be able to share that part of you. And when you are shut down emotionally, invalidated emotionally, then that leaves this whole of like you can't be who you are. And, yes, it might be that that person's incapable of holding space for someone else's feelings, but it should never be brushed aside and just allowed to happen because it damages. It damages me to be around that person, because I can't be the whole of who I am.

Speaker 2: 14:34

And this is a great segue to go into misconception number four, which is HSPs are fragile. So here's the thing Resilience is not the opposite of sensitivity. Highly sensitive people can be sensitive and strong. I am a great example of that and I've grown in my strength, my mental strength, over the last 10 years. Here's what happens often on my Instagram is I have really solid boundaries on my Instagram. It's my page.

Speaker 2: 15:09

I express things that I want to express and a lot of times the post won't align personally, specifically, individually, for one single person, and when that post doesn't speak directly to them, it might be speaking directly to maybe one of the other billions of people on the app, but sometimes a post doesn't speak directly to a person. They're going to get in the comments and they'll want to argue the rightness of the post or how the post is offensive or any slew of things they could say. My response to that is always I hold my boundaries, I don't just negotiate my perspective, and a lot of times all this just happened last week people will respond back and say you must not be a true highly sensitive person or impact. If that's how you respond, people mistake boundaries a woman specifically setting and holding up her boundaries as someone who's not sensitive, and there's no truth in that. You can be sensitive and take no BS right. You can be sensitive and also be a warrior when it comes to protecting your peace and your boundaries. So I want to share a story with you to help you really understand what it looks like for a sensitive person to be strong.

Speaker 2: 16:32

So Nina's heightened senses were always a subject of great intrigue. As a child, she'd often tell her mother about the subtle hums and whistles the world whispered, which no one seemed to hear. As she grew, she became known not just for her heightened sensitivity, but also for her unwavering strength and impeccable boundaries. One day, while sipping on her perfectly concocted lavender tea at Sparrow's Cafe, a heated debate erupted at the table beside her. The topic was not unusual for the cafe. It was about the effectiveness of nonverbal communication. With her natural ability to feel and understand emotions. Nina was an unintentional eavesdropper, absorbing every raise of an eyebrow and every twitch of a lip.

Speaker 2: 17:21

Nonverbal cues are vague and unreliable, scuffed Mr Harvey, a stout man in his late 50s with a booming voice. Nina couldn't resist. Actually she chimed in. Her voice was firm yet gentle. Sometimes unsaid things hold more weight than a thousand words. It's all about tuning in. Mr Harvey, surprised by her interjection, replied young lady, you can't possibly believe that the silent language can surpass the clarity of words Without missing a beat. Nina raised her eyebrow, tilted her head slightly and smiled softly. The challenge was evident. Tell me what I just said, she prompted. Mr Harvey, a tad flustered, responded that you doubt I understand the nuances of nonverbal cues. Point made, nina replied her voice laced with gentle triumph. The cafe hushed to listen to. Their exchange erupted into amused whispers. Nina returned to her tea, having once again proven that while she was sensitive to the world's silent notes, she was no pushover. As she left, she winked at Mr Harvey who couldn't help but chuckle. From that day on, sparrow's Cafe had a new legend the tale of the sensitive woman who could feel the world's quiet pulses, yet whose strength echoed loud and clear in the hearts of all who met her.

Speaker 2: 18:45

Sure, we all have things that have happened to us that might have affected our ability to feel good about ourselves at times or affect our self-esteem or affect our ability to stand up for ourselves, but that is not related to being born with the trait of high sensitivity. Those may be things, pains from the past that we're still working to heal and let go of. But your sensitivity does not equate to weakness. And that takes us to misconception number six, which is embracing sensitivity. Like I mentioned before, being a highly sensitive person is not a condition, it's a trait and, like all traits that we can have, it's gonna come with pros and cons, but here's the truth. We live in a world that often equates strength with stoicism and sees sensitivity as a weakness.

Speaker 2: 19:41

Being a highly sensitive person can sometimes be misinterpreted as a flaw or even a clinical condition. People might mistake the attribute to conditions like anxiety, depression or even social phobia. Those misrepresentations can happen from someone observing an HSP or noticing the reactions or responses from an HSP. For instance, I might become overwhelmed in like a chaotic environment or seem more affected by emotional events, leading people to believe that I'm over-emotional or anxious. But in reality, this sensitivity results from a very finely tuned nervous system that deeply processes information. It's a natural variation in the human population, like having blue eyes or even being left-handed.

Speaker 2: 20:36

When we're made to believe that this trait is something of a mistake, hsp's can consistently have this urge to prove themselves, to show that they're not too soft, that they're not overly emotional, that they're not too much, and this stems from a society that often values thick skin resilience over emotional depth. I know you'll agree with me when I say that trying to constantly prove yourself or demonstrate your own worth is exhausting, and it actually can distance you from the very trait that makes you unique and valuable. So overcoming this urge to constantly prove yourself or prove that you're not broken begins with self-acceptance. It's the recognizing and valuing your own sensitivity as a strength that's your first step. It's essential to remember that sensitivity brings a profound ability to understand, empathize and connect with others. Many of the world's great artists, leaders, musicians, thinkers have been highly sensitive people, and their depth of feeling has been a significant part of their genius.

Speaker 2: 21:57

Making sure that you have a supportive community, supportive connections, can also be so beneficial, so surround yourself with friends and family who understand. Connecting with other HSPs can be so, so validating, because within circles like that, there's no need to prove yourself. You can just be yourself. That's why, coming in January, I'm hosting the Realized Empath Retreats, where an amazing group of us are going to Costa Rica and we're spending six days together and we're doing immersive workshops with me and we're doing a chocolate tour and waterfalls and organic farms and we're doing rainforest walks and therapy sessions. It's gonna be amazing and if you want more information on that, you can go to my website, realizedempathcom, and you can check out the details of the retreat. But you wanna make sure that you have a circle, you have other people where you can just be who you are. There's not gonna be any emotional invalidating happening.

Speaker 2: 23:03

So ultimately, the journey is about embracing your sensitivity and viewing it not as a condition to be fixed but as a unique trait to be celebrated. And shifting that perspective and focusing on the positive, you can harness your sensitivity as a superpower and you'll be able to navigate the world with more confidence. So I like to end our podcast episode with tips on how we can, as HSPs, how we can shift our focus and when we do that, when we start to focus on the things that are really gonna help us thrive, we can start living the life that we've always dreamed. So if you identify as a highly sensitive person, here are four things that I would love to see you put a lot of focus on in your life.

Speaker 2: 23:53

Number one self-awareness. It's all about recognizing and accepting your sensitivity. And number two set boundaries. It's okay to retreat and recharge when you're overwhelmed. Number three practice self-care. I invite you to engage in activities that soothe and ground you, whether it's reading, nature walks or meditation, and, most importantly, you can do all the things at home to take care of yourself.

Speaker 2: 24:21

But if you walk into the world and you are surrounded by people who are constantly invalidating you, who want you to feel like you're too much, or maybe they're just incapable of giving you that space to be who you are, I want you to surround yourself with people who understand, understanding, friends, family, or join an HSP support group, or join us on the retreat, or come on over and join the forum, which is free, on my website, where you can chat with other highly sensitive people.

Speaker 2: 24:55

I really would love to see you have that support that you need in your life. In conclusion, remember being highly sensitive is not about fitting into a mold, but understanding and embracing this innate trait. So let's all remember power of quiet observation, deep reflection and heartfelt empathy in a world that often values strength and boldness. Thank you for joining me on this exploration of the highly sensitive person's world. If you're an HSP or an empath, I know your sensitivity is a gift or if you know someone who is a highly sensitive person, take a moment to appreciate their unique perspective. Until next time, keep embracing the depth and richness of who you are, stay sensitive and stay strong. Bye, everybody.

Speaker 1: 25:49

Thanks for listening to the Realized Empath podcast. Revisit past episodes or contact Kristen at Realized Empathcom. Did you love this episode? Please share it with a friend. Thanks for tuning in, Until next time. Sensitive souls.