Navigating Empathy: Unpacking Criticism and Safeguarding Your Energy

Welcome, beautiful souls, to an empowering journey of self-discovery and resilience! Have you ever felt dismissed or criticized when you openly identify as an empath? 

Fear not, for together, we will address this pushback, unpacking the common accusations of being "overly emotional" to being a "people pleaser." 

We'll delve into why these criticisms surface, exploring the fear of the unknown, power dynamics, and the complexity of human nature itself. But don't worry; I'll equip you with rock-solid rebuttals to help you stand your ground confidently and gracefully.

Embracing your empathic nature can be challenging, especially when confronted by naysayers.

 But remember, these external pushbacks might hold some merit. As we explore and understand this resistance, we'll gain invaluable insights, allowing us to navigate these encounters with empathy and compassion. 

This is the core of our empathic journey: understanding and addressing the fear, projection, and complexity that can be misconstrued as pushback.

Finally, we'll learn to set emotional boundaries and recharge our energy. Protecting your emotional space from skeptics is paramount to your well-being, and I'm here to guide you on how to do just that! 

We'll cover all the steps from recognizing energy drains, creating your invisible fence, and mastering the art of verbal judo. 

So, make yourself a comforting herbal tea, grab your notebook, and join me on this enlightening journey. 

Remember, other people's opinions should never drown out your self-awareness and empathic nature. Stand strong, beautiful souls!

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

You're listening to the Realized Empath Podcast, where we get real about loving and stumbling through our sensitive lives With your host and holistic counselor, Kristin Schwartz, who helps redefine what's possible for an empath who embraces a path of self-healing.

Speaker 2: 0:22

Hey there, beautiful souls and radiant beings, welcome back to another heart-pounding, soul-stirring episode of Realized Empath Podcast. I'm your host, kristin Schwartz, and I can't tell you how grateful I am to have you here today. Whether you're a first-time listener or a die-hard fan, give yourself a pat on the back, because today's episode will drop some serious gems. Let me set the stage. You've gone on this journey of self-discovery right. You've navigated the twists and turns of your inner world and emerged with this profound realization You're an empath. It's like finally finding that missing puzzle piece. Your interactions, sensitivities and deep-seated emotions subtly make sense under the umbrella of this one term empath. But hold on a second. Not everyone's throwing confetti and popping champagne to celebrate your newfound self-awareness. In fact, some people, be it your friends, family or those random internet commenters, might push back on your empath label. Really, they say, with raised eyebrows and skeptic glances an empath, are you sure? You're not just X, y or Z? Yep, today, in this episode, we're going to go there. We're going to dive deep into your resistance to embracing your empathic identity. We're talking about the skeptics who say you're just sensitive, the armchair psychologist who diagnoses you as hyper-vigilant, and even the keyboard warriors who accuse you of hiding behind trendy labels. Why? Because understanding this pushback isn't just a mental exercise. It's crucial for your well-being and your journey as an empath. Plus, who doesn't love a good challenge, especially when it leads to greater self-understanding? So strap in my friends, grab your notebook, maybe an herbal tea or whatever it is that helps you tune in, because this episode will be a roller coaster. Are you ready? All right, let's dive in.

Speaker 2: 2:44

So let's start right away and go into the meat and potatoes of today's topic, the five most common pushbacks you might get for labeling yourself an empath. These are the zingers, the curveballs, the wait, what moments that might leave you questioning yourself. But fear not, I'm going to equip you with some rock solid rebuttals so you can stand your empathic ground. So the first pushback you might get is you're not an empath, you're just overly emotional. Being an empath doesn't mean you're a slave to your emotions. It means you understand and process them at a deeper level, not just yours, but others too. So it's not just being emotional, it's a nuanced understanding of all kinds of emotional landscapes.

Speaker 2: 3:42

Here's another common pushback You're not an empath, you're just more sensitive to things around you. Yes, empaths are often highly sensitive, but there's more to the story. While a highly sensitive person may react strongly to stimuli, an empath takes on the emotional energy of others. These are different lanes on the same highway, but not the same thing. Here's another common pushback You're just hyper-vigilant. You're not sensing other people's emotions, you're just always on high alert. So here's the thing hyper-vigilance often stems from trauma and is about self-protection. On the other hand, empaths are more focused on understanding and connecting with others emotionally. While both might make you tune in, the motivations and the experiences differ. And what about? You're just people pleasey. You're not absorbing other people's emotions, you're just trying to make everyone happy. So being an empath doesn't mean you're looking to avoid conflict or curry favor. Now, this takes a level of self-awareness right. These, all these pushbacks do. It's an imitation to look deep within ourselves and go okay, maybe there's a part of me that does want to people please, but that separate then being an empath. Being an empath means you're emotionally in tune with others, which is a far cry from people pleasey. You're not changing your behavior to make others happy, you're authentically feeling what they feel.

Speaker 2: 5:24

Here's one pushback that's gotten more popular over the last few years. It's just a trendy label. Empath is just the trendy spiritual term of the day, and I got a new way of putting this last week it's spiritual bypassing. It's spiritually bypassing hypervigilance. So here's the thing labels help people understand themselves and their experiences. The term empath may be getting its moment in the sun, but that doesn't mean it's any less real or meaningful for those who genuinely resonate with it. It's not about jumping on a bandwagon, but finding a term that helps explain a lifelong experience.

Speaker 2: 6:12

And here's another thing I was having a discussion in the comments of one of my Instagram posts, and it was a comment that was related to spiritual bypassing, and this person was basically saying that the term empath shouldn't be used at all because she believed that it just bypassed what really is a trauma response or a way of coping, which is hypervigilance. And here's what I said Whether or not the person is experiencing trauma or is coping in some way, or even as hyper vigilance, labeling yourself an impact and being part of a community and having other people who understand what it's like to live and experience life the way that you do that is healing all by itself. And I speak from firsthand knowledge seven years ago, when I came to realize that I was highly sensitive and highly empathic, and I resonated with the term empath when I found a community of other people who got me, who understood what it was like to live in the body that I have to had similar experiences. It soothed and it calmed my nervous system enough to actually open me up to healing. So, although people can be quick to tell you what they think you should do or not do, your level of self awareness should never be drowned out by other people's opinions. They do not know you, they do not know what you need and they do not know what is going to be healing for you. All right, so we've tackled the pushbacks you might get as an impact, but let's dig a bit deeper. Why do people, even well meaning ones, have such a tough time letting us be our authentic selves, whatever that might look like? So time to put on our psychology hats and delve into the nitty gritty.

Speaker 2: 8:17

One reason why people might have a difficult time letting another person be who they are is cognitive dissonance. So it's the comfort of consistency. You see, our brains are wired to seek consistency, and when someone labels themselves in a way that doesn't align with our preconceived notions, it creates what psychologists call cognitive dissonance, a mental discomfort. So what do we do? We try to resolve this discomfort by questioning or even challenging the other person's label. Here's another reason why we can be uncomfortable with letting people be who they are social norms or the invisible rulebook. So we all grow up with a set of social norms that are rules that tell us what's acceptable. For example, in some cultures being emotionally attuned might be seen as a weakness rather than a strength. So when someone breaks these norms by embracing a label like empath, it can cause discomfort or even backlash from those who hold really strongly onto these norms.

Speaker 2: 9:31

Then we have fear of the unknown, the empath as the other right, the other side. Anything unfamiliar often triggers a sense of fear or skepticism. Empaths, by their very nature, often challenge conventional understandings of emotional boundaries. For some, this unknown aspect can be unsettling, leaving them to reject or even challenge what they don't easily understand. And then we have projection seeing ourselves and others. Here's where it gets interesting. Often, when someone is uncomfortable with you being your authentic self, it's because it triggers something unresolved in them. They might wish they had the freedom to be as authentic as you, or they may see aspects of themselves they don't like reflected in your authenticity.

Speaker 2: 10:25

Then we have the control and power dynamics At the root of it all. There's often a play for control. When someone defines us, they often feel they have a form of control or power over us. It can be a subtle way to reassert dominance or maintain a sense of superiority, especially if they feel threatened by your emotional intelligence or depth. And last but not least, we have complexity and the human condition. Let's not forget that humans are complex creatures. Our struggles to accept others as they are is basically a reflection of that complexity. We're a mosaic of our experiences, fears, dreams and the societal programming that we've absorbed, and it's a tough nut to crack. But understanding this can make us more compassionate towards those who struggle with letting us be ourselves. So that was quite a deep dive, I know, but I'm also aware we could have gone so much deeper into each one of those points. But the point was understanding these psychological barriers aren't just academic. It's about equipping ourselves to handle resistance with compassion and insight.

Speaker 2: 11:41

So let's flip the script for a second. We've talked about external pushback, but what if some of that skepticism actually has merit? Yeah, we're gonna go there. Let's talk about the things that might fool you or anyone into thinking you're an empath when you might not be, and I don't want you to sweat it. This isn't about calling anyone out. It's about clarity and building self-awareness. You are gonna notice that there'll be some crossovers between what we may get pushback from and what we may need to actually look at within ourselves, so I just wanted to point that out. It doesn't mean that any of this is true for you. All I'm inviting you to do is just kind of deepen your self-awareness. Remember, somebody else's opinion should not override your own level of self-awareness.

Speaker 2: 12:40

So the first thing that might fool us to thinking we are an empath is high sensitivity, the emotional roller coaster. So what fools us? Well, we feel the emotions deeply, both highs and lows, and you might think that that makes you an empath. But here's the reality check being a highly sensitive person is not the same as being an empath. Hsp's react strongly to sensory input, but may not necessarily absorb or internalize other people's emotions. Here's a question that I often have people ask themselves Are you really good at noticing how someone feels, or do you actually feel their own emotions in your body? So the second point people pleasing and yes, we're revisiting this one as one of the common pushbacks. So people pleasing, the yes man or the yes woman. So what ends up fooling us is we're always eager to make people happy and avoid conflict, so we assume we must be empathetic. But people pleasing is often about avoiding conflict or seeking external validations. So empaths feel others' emotions, but we don't necessarily change our behaviors just to please others.

Speaker 2: 14:17

And now let's go back and let's revisit the term hypervigilance or the watchful eye. So what ends up fooling us is if we're always on high alert and we're picking up on every detail in our environment, and we can often mistake that for empathic ability. But here's the reality Hypervigilance often stems from anxiety or past trauma, and while it makes you observant, it doesn't mean you're absorbing or deeply understanding the emotional state of those around you. What makes hypervigilance so tricky is that our brain is on high alert all the time and it's scanning our environment, looking for clues that a past event that caused us trauma may occur again. And because our brain is on high alert and constantly scanning, we may pick up on subtle changes in energy or body language.

Speaker 2: 15:22

And then what we do is our brain then projects our past and our fear onto the shifts of energy, and then what may just be someone showing signs of discomfort, maybe in an environment that they're in, or maybe they just had a thought of something that happened earlier in the day that caused them stress, because we're not aware of that person's thought processes or what's going on for that person.

Speaker 2: 15:47

We can project our past trauma onto the shifts of energy, and we can think that we know why they're feeling the way that they do, and we can think that the distress or anxiety that we feel in the moment has something to do with their energy, but it has nothing to do with their energy. It's all the story in our mind that is being spun, based on us noticing shifts of energy because our brain is trying so hard to prepare us for flight or fight in case something that happens in the present is like the thing that happened in the past. It's all about self-preservation and protection, but we can confuse that sometimes, for reading someone's energy. Next up is codependency, or the emotional martyr. So what fools us is you may find yourself constantly entangled in other people's problems, often at the expense of your own well-being. So reality, though, is codependency is often about seeking validation through others, and it's seeking validation through others' needs.

Speaker 2: 16:55

Unlike empaths who can maintain emotional boundaries. Codependency is, and those who are codependent or have codependent tendencies often lose themselves and others. And last, which this one I believe is can be the most sneaky, is emotional intelligence, which is a good thing, right, the smooth operator. So what ends up fooling us is when we're really good at reading people, at sensing what they may want or need. So we think, hey, I must be an empath. But in reality, emotional intelligence is a skill that involves understanding emotions, both yours and others. But it's not the same as being an empath who actually feels. Right. The key word is feels those emotions as if they were their own. So I get it. That was quite a hearty bowl of self-reflection soup, wasn't it? And if you identified with some of those points, seriously, no judgment at all. Self-awareness is the first step towards growth. But what I would love for us to do now is we're going to talk about the subtle art of setting emotional boundaries, especially when you're surrounded by skeptics and naysayers. Because, let's face it, not everyone is going to be on team empath, and that's okay, but you have to protect your energy. So let's go into how you can do that like a pro. My first recommendation would be to recognize your energy drains right the siphon effect. So here's what you might face. Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling drained? So that's your emotional energy getting siphoned, just to preface really quick. It doesn't mean somebody else is an energy vampire and sucking your energy out. This is all about our focus. We drain our energy based on what we focus on. So here's the tip you want to keep tabs on your interactions that leave you depleted. You want to identify the skeptics. You want to identify the naysayers and you want to take note of that. Awareness is half the battle. Next, you want to set your emotional perimeter like an invisible fence. So here's what you might face. People may cross your emotional boundaries, throwing jabs at your empathic nature or offering unsolicited advice. And here's my tip you want to define your emotional safe space politely but firmly, and make it clear when someone is crossing into your emotional territory. A simple I appreciate your perspective, but I know what's best for me works wonders.

Speaker 2: 19:41

Next, you want to be selective with sharing. Not everyone deserves a seat at your table. So here's what you may face Find the need to justify your empathic experience to skeptics Feeling like you need to explain yourself. Here's my tip Understand that not everyone deserves to know the depth of your emotional world. Be selective about what and with whom you share and save your pearls for those who value them. Super important point with this one, you guys, is just because someone is in your family does not mean that they deserve a seat at your emotional table. You have to realize that not everyone is equipped to have conversations and to meet you where you're at, and it's okay.

Speaker 2: 20:35

Next, we have verbal judo, or deflecting and redirecting what you might face People challenging or questioning your empathic abilities or experiences. And here's my tip you want to master the art of deflection. Turn the conversation toward a neutral topic or shift the focus to the other person. A deflective skeptic is often a silence skeptic. You do not have to participate in any discussion that you are not comfortable with.

Speaker 2: 21:07

Next, reinforce with positive affirmations so basically, this would be your personal cheer squad what you might face, what creeps in making you question your own authenticity or abilities. And here's my tip Develop a set of affirmations that resonate with you Whenever your face with skepticism, mentally or verbally. Repeat these affirmations. I want it to feel like emotional armor for you that reinforces your boundaries. And last, lean on your support system, your emotional pit crew, and I know there's going to be some of you out there in that season of life where you are shifting from one place to the other, one season to the other, and maybe you don't feel like you have a support system right now who is open and is capable of holding space for you, and I say that's okay. It's okay. Then be your own emotional pit crew. Just believe that you are moving and shifting, and those people that are meant for you will show up for you. Here's what you may face Use of emotional vulnerability or exhaustion from the continual pushback. And here's my tip Maintain or build a solid support system, people who get you and your empathic nature Regularly debrief them to recharge your emotional batteries.

Speaker 2: 22:28

If you follow me on Instagram at RealizeImpathcom, or you don't follow me, come over and interact with us in the comments. Go onto my website and join the empath forum. Start connecting with other empaths. This is the exact reason why I have the empath the realized empath retreat, where we're going to Costa Rica in January. It's so the community can start building a support network with other people who experience life like they do. So, again, we covered a lot of ground in this section. Setting boundaries isn't about isolating yourself. Remember that. It's about cultivating a healthier, more balanced emotional life. So you do you and let the skeptics do whatever skeptics do.

Speaker 2: 23:12

So let's talk about how to actually recharge your energy after an encounter with a naysayer. Have you ever had one of those encounters with just like zapped your energy, like your soul just had a marathon? We're talking about those inevitable run-ins with skeptics and naysayers that leave you in a bit of an emotional uproar. So let's run through some common drained energy signs and what you can do to recharge. First one grounding techniques. What you may feel floaty, disconnected or disoriented after an intense emotional exchange. Here's my recharge tip I want you to go back to basics and feel the ground beneath your feet. You can touch a tree or simply focus on your breath. Grounding techniques bring you back to the present moment and help you dissipate that lingering emotional fog that we can have after we have a heated exchange or we're around other people that have us questioning our reality. Next we have physical movement, what we might feel, a lingering sense of heaviness or emotional residue. And here's my recharge tip Physical activity isn't just good for the body, it's a soul cleanser. So, whether it's a jog or a dance off in your living room or some yoga stretches, just get that energy moving.

Speaker 2: 24:33

The goal is to shake off the negativity. Energy wants to move, so move that energy through your body. Here's something else we might feel after an encounter with a naysayer A jumble of thoughts or lingering emotions, like you're carrying someone else's baggage. Here's what I say when you feel that way Grab a journal, spill those feelings onto paper. Sometimes, writing down your experience helps you make sense of it and it creates a mental separation from the energy sucking encounter. Here's another way we may feel after dealing with a skeptic is we may feel vulnerable, as if our energy has been infiltrated. So here's how we recharge from that.

Speaker 2: 25:11

I invite you to close your eyes and imagine a shield of light around you. The color is up to you, but make it bright and powerful, and I want you to visualize that shield, repelling the negative energy and keeping your positive energy intact. It's like you want to invite all energy that vibrates love and higher, and you want to let go of any energy that's vibrating lower than love. And last, maybe you're going to feel drained and emotionally fatigued or just like blah right After you have an encounter with someone who questions your own reality, and I want you to seek your happy place. It's going to be emotionally or physically, whether it's your favorite book or a music playlist or a cherished spot in nature. I want you to retreat to your happy place for a spiritual pit stop. Sometimes, a familiar and comforting environment is all it takes to recharge your batteries. Well, I'll tell you what.

Speaker 2: 26:07

Today was quite a ride, and I know, like I said earlier, we hit on some things twice. Some things people can use to question our reality, and other times maybe we need to actually look at similar things and adjust our sense of reality. So we started off discussing the common pushbacks people get for labeling themselves as impasse, and then we explored why humans find it so tough to let people be their authentic selves. And then we tackled a few things that could make you think you're an impasse when maybe you're not. And don't forget those nifty tips we just went over on setting boundaries to recharge after a naysay encounter All the juicy stuff designed to help you navigate this empathic life.

Speaker 2: 26:51

As we wrap up this episode, remember, being an empath is not just a label, it's a lived experience, and that experience comes with its own set of challenges, especially in a world where people love to have an opinion, well, about everything. Whether you're dealing with skeptics, sorting through your own self doubts or just trying to keep your emotional batteries charged, always keep this in mind you are your own best advocate. Your feelings are valid and only you can define your emotional boundaries. Keep those walls up where needed, but don't forget to let the good stuff into. So go ahead, embrace your empathic nature, because guess what? The world could use a little more sensitivity and a little more empathy and a whole lot more understanding. And you, my friend, are part of that change. Remember never let someone else's opinion override your self-awareness. That's it for today's episode. Lovely listeners, can't wait to catch you in the next one. Until then, take care, protect your energy and, as always, keep feeling deeply. Bye, everybody.

Speaker 1: 28:05

Thanks for listening to the Realized Empath Podcast. Revisit past episodes or contact Kristen at RealizedEmpathcom. Did you love this episode? Please share it with a friend. Thanks for tuning in, Until next time. Sensitive souls.