Navigating Relationships As An Empath

Ever feel like you're carrying the emotional weight of the world on your shoulders, especially in relationships? You might be an empath. Join me, your host Kristen Schwartz, on a deep dive into the torrent of emotions that come with love for those of us who deeply feel everything. 

We'll unravel the complexities of emotional reciprocity and intuition while providing practical steps to avoid emotional exhaustion, including journaling your emotional journey and practicing mindfulness. The goal? To help you maintain your sparkle and build deep, healthy connections.

But that's not all! We'll also explore how to create and uphold healthy boundaries in relationships. You'll learn to establish emotional and physical check-ins, set time boundaries, and create open, transparent communication channels. 

We'll also tackle the tough stuff, like managing emotional challenges, identifying energy vampires, and preserving your precious energy. 

Because let's face it, as an empath, we often find ourselves in draining social situations. 

So, get ready to learn how to navigate communication breakdowns and develop exit strategies that respect your emotional well-being. Join me as we journey together towards healthier, happier relationships.

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Transcript

Announcer: 0:01

You're listening to the Realized Empath Podcast, where we get real about loving and stumbling through our sensitive lives With your host and holistic counselor, Kristen Schwartz, who helps redefine what's possible for an empath who embraces a path of self-healing.

Kristen: 0:22

Hello, beautiful souls, and welcome back to the Realized Empath Podcast. I am Kristen Schwartz, your host, and today we are going to dive deep like ocean floor deep into how to navigate love as an empath without losing your own sparkle. You know how some podcasts skim the surface. Yeah, not us. We're going to go into the trenches of emotion, love and personal well-being. So grab your emotional snorkel and let's dive in. Next, I want to share how I'm going to segment out the content for this episode. What I'm going to do is I'm going to have different topic segments and we'll go into some real life examples and details of each segment, and then I'm going to go into actionable steps, things that you can do to actually build healthy, deep connections with those that you care about. So let's get started.

Kristen: 1:26

That one is what does it mean to be an empath in a relationship? Right, the ever-present, highly-tuned emotional radar of an empath. It's both a blessing and a curse, right? Being an empath in a relationship is like playing an instrument with no volume control. You can compose the most beautiful symphonies, but the same instrument can also blast out sound so overwhelming that it drowns everything else. So here's the nitty-gritty of why that happens.

Kristen: 2:03

First, let's talk about emotional reciprocity. So, as an empath, you not only feel what your partner is feeling, but often you also project those emotions back. It's like a human echo. When your partner is happy, you amplify that joy back, but when they're stressed or upset your emotional state can spiral too. So what are some real life examples? So let's say your partner is worried about a big meeting and you pick up on that anxiety and start to feel uneasy, maybe even taking on physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweaty palms. And the kicker you start to worry about things unrelated to your partner's meeting, like your own to-do list or family issues. Your emotional echo not only mirrors, but it multiplies. Now, have you ever heard that saying like energy attracts like energy? So when you pick up the dis-ease of your partner, you're going to then attract to you similar thoughts about your own life.

Kristen: 3:14

So second, as an empath, your intuition is on hyperdrive, so you can sense subtle shifts in energy, reading between the lines on what said and un-said. But it can also be a fantastic tool for deep connection, allowing you to be a mind-blowingly supportive partner. Okay, real life example number two your partner comes home quiet and distant. They say they're fine, but your intuitive antenna is up and you know better. So you gently coax out what's bothering them, offering a level of emotional support that others might miss. However, this intuition comes with a cost emotional exhaustion. Your brain is constantly processing a huge amount of emotional data, so when your partner is going through a roller coaster of feelings, guess who's strapped right beside them? Yep, you are.

Kristen: 4:09

So what are some actionable steps? I know I talk about this a lot. That's why the first downloadable content that I made free to my followers was the realized empath journal. But journaling your emotional landscape can help keep things in check. So try keeping an empath diary where you jot down moments of emotional influx, know what triggered it Was it your emotion or someone else's? And once you've gotten enough entries, look for patterns. You want to identify triggers and discuss them with your partner. It's like drawing an emotional map that guides you through the maze of both you and your partner's feelings.

Kristen: 4:53

Actionable step number two is practicing mindfulness, and mindfulness can be a lifesaver. So it's as simple as taking five minutes a day to focus on your breath, slowing you to center yourself. This is an essential tool for filtering out which emotions are yours and which ones you're picking up from others. Okay, so we just journeyed through the wonder of being an empath and love and deep connections and soulful interactions, the whole emotional smorgasbord. But let's get real, it's not all sunshine and rainbows. So let's shift gears into the nitty gritty which are the bumps on the highway.

Kristen: 5:34

So segment number two is our common pitfalls as empaths in relationships. So we're pro at feeling, but that can lead us straight into emotional quicksand. So the pitfall is emotional overload. It's the equivalent of eating emotionally but never feeling full. You keep absorbing and absorbing until you're emotionally overstuffed. It's as if you're an emotional department store and everyone's going on a shopping spree. But what happens when the shelves are empty? That's burnout.

Kristen: 6:11

So let's identify some common pitfalls that trip us up as impasse in relationships. First one is absorbing negative energy. This one's tricky. It's like you walk into a room and suddenly you're not yourself anymore. So let's say, your husband or wife or partner come home upset from work politics. The tension isn't just palpable, it becomes your tension too. So when this happens, you start taking on fixer role. You work overtime to change their mood, only to find that you're exhausted and they're still upset. And most of the time this is when resentment sets in.

Kristen: 6:58

Next we have overextending yourself. So you feel so deeply that you think you can absorb everyone's problems. Example let's say your friend is going through a breakup or your cousin lost their job, or your partner is stressed and you're the go-to person for emotional support. So you keep giving until you're running on empty. And then who takes care of you? Often nobody, because you've set a precedent that you're the caregiver, not the one to be cared for.

Kristen: 7:31

Next pitfall is ignoring your own needs. You're the emotional sponge, but sponges need to be squeezed out too. So here's an example you get so entangled with your partner's challenges at work that you forget you have your own job stress to deal with. So you start skipping your workouts, your alone time and even meals because you're so engrossed in solving problems that aren't yours. Next pitfall lack of emotional boundaries. So no walls mean you're an open city for emotional invasions. For example, your roommate's going through a breakup and suddenly you're the one eating ice cream and watching breakup movies. So not having boundaries can often lead you to lose your sense of self. You become an emotional chameleon, adapting to the emotional colors of those around you.

Kristen: 8:25

And last but not least, pitfall and I'm not saying. These are all of our pitfalls, but I chose the most common. Last one is indecision. So imagine being in a room full of people trying to choose a Netflix show. That's your daily life. Making decisions, picking a place to eat, becomes an existential crisis, so tuned in to everyone else's preferences that you forget to have your own. The irony your indecisiveness aimed to prevent disappointment often becomes the source of it. So people want you to take a stand, but you're too worried about pleasing everyone.

Kristen: 9:02

Okay, so that was a long list. So what's one actionable step that can help soften all of these examples? Prioritize yourself. It's not selfish, it's necessary. So block out some you time on your calendar like it's a non-negotiable meeting. Get to know yourself. Get comfortable with your needs. Get comfortable with your voice. Get comfortable with speaking out. Get comfortable with asking for what you want. Get comfortable with saying an empowered no, okay.

Kristen: 9:33

So if you've diffused the emotional minds and pitfalls, how are you feeling enlightened? Because we're not stopping here. Let's use that newfound wisdom to build something beautiful your personal boundaries, because, yes, you can be an empath and still have walls that aren't made of sponge. All right. Segment three maintaining boundaries. Welcome to the holy grail of empath, survival, the guide to maintaining your boundaries.

Kristen: 10:06

Now that we've tackled the pitfalls, it's time to fortify your emotional home. Think of this segment as your blueprint. We're about to build some sturdy walls and maybe even a moat, and don't worry, we're not talking about isolating yourself in emotional fortress. This is about creating a healthy space where you can interact meaningfully with others without losing yourself. Okay, so first up on our boundary blueprint is physical space. So as much as you love people, you also need your personal bubble. For instance, you need a corner of your home that is just yours, like a sanctuary where you can recharge. So make it a rule this is your safe space and you get to dictate when and how it's shared. We all need a little space that we can go to to set down our worries and breathe in silence. Next is emotional check-ins. So these are your checkpoints on the emotional highway.

Kristen: 11:12

So before deep diving into heavy conversations, you ask your partner is now a good time to talk? Have you ever been in the middle of something? For instance, I spend a good hour or two online replying to direct messages. Maybe I'm creating content for my social media, and so there are times I'm on my phone. Of course. Now a lot of times when my husband walks into the room, he will think that I'm just mindlessly scrolling when actually I am creating something or I'm replying to a message. So he'll come into the room in full conversation mode and start talking to me immediately. Now I'm put in a position of do I stop creating when I'm in a flow and look up, or do I keep doing what I'm doing and not really listen? We've gotten to a habit now, when he walks in or I walk into his office, we say do you have a minute to talk or is this a good time? What this does is it sets the stage and ensures that both parties are emotionally available for discussion.

Kristen: 12:22

Next is time boundaries. So you can give people your love, but you can't give them 24 seven access to your emotional bandwidth. So you can let your partner and your friends know that you need an hour of downtime after work. This isn't just you time, it's maintenance for your empathic abilities. Think of it like recharging your emotional batteries, and this is really a journey of self-awareness. Do you know when you need downtime? Do you know how much time you need after a busy meeting to fill back up? Sometimes we spend a lot of our lives in survival and just go, go, go that we don't actually know how much time we need between appointments. We just got so used to feeling anxious that we never questioned it.

Kristen: 13:14

Next, informational boundaries. Yes, you can sense things, but you also have the right to not know everything. So you can ask your partner not to share overly detailed stories or workplace drama. You're emotionally absorbent, so the less unnecessary information you have to soak up, the better you can know. But you don't need to be inundated. You don't have to revisit the same information over and over and over and over again. You can be one and done.

Kristen: 13:48

Okay, so what is an actionable step that can be applied to each one of these boundaries? Explicitly communicating these boundaries. So don't assume people will just get it, because you would Thus clarify and, most importantly, enforce your boundaries. Your boundaries are about you being able to show up the best version of yourself. This is about you and your health. This is about controlling other people.

Kristen: 14:21

I think, once we get a handle on our boundaries and we understand and we get comfortable with setting them and enforcing them, it's like we're constructing a beautiful emotional castle, right, moat and all. But remember, even the best architecture needs maintenance. So keep an eye on those walls and don't forget to lower the drawbridge once in a while. I really believe that boundaries are a living and breathing entity. As we grow and heal and evolve, so shall our boundaries.

Kristen: 14:55

Okay, so if relationships are a dance, then being highly sensitive adds some intricate footwork to the mix. It makes you incredibly attuned to your partner, picking up on the subtleties that others might overlook. Yet it also leaves you prone to stepping on some toes. Sometimes we step on our own toes. So the complication factor. Being highly sensitive means that even the smallest of conflicts feel like a grand showdown. You don't just hear what's said, you also absorb the emotional weight behind it, and this can lead to overthinking and magnifying issues. It's like taking a pebble of a problem and seeing it as a boulder. For instance, if your partner forgets to call, you might spiral into thoughts of them not caring or losing interest, even when the reason could be as simple as them being busy.

Kristen: 15:59

So what I have found that has been really helpful, that I implemented, is the 24 hour rule. This would be our actionable step for when our overthinking and deeply feeling can pair together and complicate things. The 24 hour rule, what it is is before reacting, before saying something when you are feeling emotional, give yourself 24 hours to process what that does is it builds in this buffer to prevent overreacting. It's like we're letting our emotions smooth out a bit. It's like, if you imagine, our emotions are a stormy ocean, big waves, so we're allowing the ocean to calm down a bit before we actually put words to what we're feeling. So let's say we do have some hiccups in our relationship, like an argument or a full on emotional meltdown. How do we recover our relationship power? How do we mend the mess ups?

Kristen: 17:08

First is the authentic apology. So you know the drill. You say you're sorry, but go beyond just mouthing the words. Make your apology specific, so addressing exactly what you did wrong and acknowledge how it made the other person feel. For example, instead of just saying I'm sorry, try, I'm sorry, I snapped at you when you forgot to call. I know my reaction was out of proportion and I can see how it hurt you. Next is have open, transparent communication. Open up about why you reacted the way that you did, explain it to your heightened sensitivity, if that's the case, because transparency builds trust. So, for example, for example, I reacted strongly because when you didn't call it triggered my fear of abandonment. I know it's my issue, but sharing it with you helps me process it.

Kristen: 18:05

Next is mutual strategy building. So work together with your partner to prevent future mishaps. So this is where your emotional attunement can be a superpower, so use it to sense what strategies might work best for both of you. For example, let's agree to always text if we're going to be late or can't call, so we can manage each other's expectations better. Okay, so what's an actionable step when it comes to maintaining relationships and the hiccups that come with it? I think a great one is scheduling regular relationship check-ins. So this can be weekly or monthly, whatever suits you.

Kristen: 18:48

You want to use this time to openly discuss what's working and what's not, and making adjustments as you go along. Think of it as your relationship's state of the union address. It's a chance to reassess your emotional strategies and reinforce connection. So being a highly sensitive person in a relationship is a bit like being a tightrope walker the highs are breathtaking, but the risks are real. The key to maintaining balance is understanding your emotional weight and learning how to distribute it effectively. You don't have to carry the emotional load alone. Share it and walk the tightrope together. Okay, so we just wrapped up some talk about the relationship hiccups and how to navigate those, but there's a whole other side of the coin we need to flip to.

Kristen: 19:41

In this next segment, we're going to talk about the art of balance. How can we love deeply without losing that oh-so-important sense of self? So it's like achieving the perfect equilibrium in love, so being deeply connected to your partner while also retaining your beautiful individual essence. So let's talk about some different ways that we can help maintain our personal sovereignty. First thing is understanding the balance. So you're not just one half of a relationship, you're a whole person, and remembering that is the first step in achieving balance. So think of it as dancing you move together, yet you also have your own steps and flair, so both are necessary for a beautiful performance. So let's say, your partner loves hiking and you're more of a spa day aficiado. You enjoy your own activities separately, but still you carve out time for mutual interests.

Kristen: 20:52

Next is harmonizing your interests. So couples often make the mistake of totally merging their interests, and balance means appreciating the unique joys each of you brings into a relationship. So make a list of your individual hobbies and interests and celebrate them. Having separate interests adds texture to your relationship. So let's say you love culinary adventures while your partner is into mountain biking, so you can dedicate weekends for each other's hobbies or share new discoveries when you regroup.

Kristen: 21:30

Next is emotional and physical spaces. So privacy doesn't have to mean secrecy. It means respecting your and your partner's needs for solitude or different experiences. So there should be corners of your life that belong just to you, and that's not just okay, it's healthy. So let's say you have a sacred morning ritual of journaling and meditation, and your partner knows this and respects this time. So that creates mutual respect for personal space. So what's an actionable step to help to build that balance and maintain your sovereignty? You can actually kickstart an emotional journal that both you and your partner contribute to Once a week. Sit down and talk about any patterns, highs or lows that you've noticed. It's like your relationship's emotional pulse check.

Kristen: 22:28

Remember that communication is the backbone to all of this, which is a great segue into our next segment, because we're going to talk about how to listen and talk like a pro in love. So we all know and we've heard, that the cornerstone of every great relationship is communication. But it's not just about mouthing words. It's about the quality, the tone, the timing and so much more. So let me get specific. Let's talk about specific things that we can do to help us deepen communication in our relationship.

Kristen: 23:07

So the first one is the power of the pause. So it might seem awkward at first, but taking a moment before responding can be transformative. So what the pause does? It's a mini sanctuary where you can gather your thoughts and emotions. So during a heated argument, let's say that split second can be a difference between escalation and understanding. Remember it's your space to switch gears. Next is non-verbal signals. So sometimes words can fail us and that's where our bodies can step in. So, from eye contact to posture, these silent cues can say more than a thousand words could. So you can often gauge your partner's mood by their body language. If they're visibly tense, maybe it's not the best time to discuss weekend plans.

Kristen: 24:05

Next, the listening factor. So it's one thing to hear, it's another to actually listen. My husband and I were having a discussion last night when we were driving home from getting my son's Halloween costume and we were talking about how, when someone is bringing up a subject or wants to talk to us about something, as the listener, it's an opportunity to get to know that person on a deeper level. So listening should be about tuning into that person and to understand what a gift it is to be given a gateway into how this person sees the world. But a lot of times what happens when we listen is we're listening but we're making their story about us. We're judging their story, we're trying to find similar instances in our life where we might've felt the same way. We're literally making their story about our perspective. But listening should be about giving that person the space to express themselves and knowing that through listening you're witnessing their experience. You're showing them that you care about how they perceive the world.

Kristen: 25:18

So active listening is giving your full attention and asking follow-up questions and confirming your understanding. For example, let's say your partner talks about a difficult day at work. Instead of jumping in with solutions, you ask you know you say things like that sounds tough. How did that make you feel? You're showing, through your response, the care that you have for them. And here's a great actionable step for deepening communication Establish a no interruption rule during your communication rituals. So what this does is it ensures both parties have an equal say and fosters a culture of respect and understanding. Okay, so that's a wrap on how to make communication your superpower and relationships. Trust me, if you master this, you're already miles ahead in the love game.

Kristen: 26:08

So let's jump into our next segment, which is overcoming relationship challenges. So if you're an empath like me, you know relationships can sometimes feel like navigating a maze while you're blindfolded. It can be complicated. So let's talk about overcoming some common relationship challenges. First is taking on your partner's problems. So this is a common pitfall for impasse. You feel so deeply that sometimes you absorb their issues like a sponge. It's a fine line between empathy and making someone else's problem your life mission. And I wanna remind you that codependency is I'm only okay if you're okay. So, for example, your partner had a terrible day at work and you find yourself losing sleep, feeling anxious and thinking of ways to fix their work problems. So you wanna stop right there because, remember, that's their mountain to climb. You can be supportive without carrying the burden.

Kristen: 27:12

Next is emotional burnout. So this happens when you give so much that you neglect your own needs. So you're not a limitless resource. You've got to recharge too. So, for example, let's say, for months you've been the emotional rock for your partner through his job loss and one day you snap over something trivial, you've been emotionally depleted. This is where self-awareness comes in, noticing how something is affecting you, making sure that you're doing what you need to do to care for yourself, checking in on what your intentions are.

Kristen: 27:48

Common pitfall communication breakdown. So sometimes the channels just get fuzzy, and it's common. But ignoring it can snowball. So when the lines of communications crumble, assumptions and misunderstandings then take over. So let's say you think your partner should just know why you're upset, so you shut down and then a week of cold shoulders ensues and no one wins right.

Kristen: 28:14

Next is when our boundaries get blurry, especially for impasse. When you're so attuned to your partner you might ignore or forget your personal boundaries. And this can also happen when we're trying to be ultra accommodating so you disregard your own comfort zones, trying to make everybody else comfortable. For example, you agree to attend every single family event of your partner, despite feeling overwhelmed and drained, just because you know it's important to them. So what's an actionable step? So for each challenge you want to have a go to coping mechanism that both you and your partner are aware of. So for emotional burnout, maybe it's a self care day, or for blur boundaries, perhaps it's a scheduled check in to discuss your comfort levels. You can tailor it to make it work for both of you, but it's just important that you have some solution or actionable step or go to in your toolbox to help you navigate each of each one of these challenges.

Kristen: 29:18

So we've talked about romantic relationships, but let's not forget the social spear, where impasse can often be skating on thin ice. So let's go into how to gracefully float through social scenarios while maintaining our empathic essence. First one is reading the room. So the classic empath trait of not just reading the room, feeling the room, but but practically absorbing it, so sensing everyone's mood, can be both a gift and a curse. So have you ever been at a party and suddenly felt anxious, only to realize it wasn't your anxiety but someone else's? It has happened to me more than I can count and I've used that as a way to not attend events many times.

Kristen: 30:03

Next are energy vampires. Yes, they're real and no, they don't have fangs, but they can drain you. I usually don't use this word, but I thought it's Halloween today when this episode is going to be posted, so I thought, why not? I'll use the word, I'll use energy vampires. So learning to identify and shield yourself from energy vampires is key. So let's say you have a friend who always turns the conversation to her dramas and afterwards you feel drained. So eventually you have to limit that friendship for your own well-being and maybe not even limit it. Maybe it's a matter of communicating and setting a boundary, but there has to be some action that's taken to make sure that relationship is more beneficial to both of you.

Kristen: 30:53

So the exit strategy. So maybe there's some social situations where sometimes you need to ghost politely, of course and again I'm using the word ghost because it's Halloween. I don't literally mean like disappear and not talk to anyone ever again. That's rude. I would always choose to have you communicate if you can, so, but having a predetermined out for overwhelming social situations is a lifesaver. So this exit strategy isn't about even relationships. It can be about maybe you're at a party and you're going with your friend, and your friend knows that you're not going to be able to stay for the entire four hours, and so maybe you have a secret code, and that secret code is texting your friend a pineapple emoji to let her know it's time to regroup and recharge, and an exit strategy could be driving separately. So, again, there's all kinds of things that you can insert into this to make sure that you're caring for yourself.

Kristen: 31:51

Next is protecting your energy, and this isn't about isolating yourself. It's about being selective where your energy goes, where your attention goes, you get to choose where your intention goes when a prioritize relationships that are mutual exchanges of joy and energy. I know that throughout my life I realized that the people that I was surrounded with were so much more comfortable with me sharing my pain than they were with me sharing my joy. The discomfort I felt in those relationships when I was sharing my wins because energy that I was getting mirrored back to me was my wins were bragging. So I realized that I wanted to make sure that I was surrounded with people that let me be the whole of who I am. So that meant let me be in pain when I'm in pain and let me be joyful and excited when things are going well. So I've made sure that on Sundays I carve out space to be in joy.

Kristen: 32:57

So what's an actionable step to nurture yourself in social scenarios? So on your next social gathering, I want you to set an energy limit beforehand. So decide how much you'll spend there and stick to it If you start to feel drained. Honor that limit, trust me, your future self will thank you. All right, friends. So I know we covered a lot, but we could have gone a lot deeper into each segment, but thank you for hanging out with me today. It has been the longest podcast episode that we've done this season. But that is a wrap on today's deep dive.

Kristen: 33:34

But let me hammer home one last crucial point. For impasse, healthy relationships aren't a luxury, they're a necessity. Your emotional well-being is intrinsically linked to the emotional climate around you. So a rocky relationship can be like sailing in stormy seas, while a supportive one is your safe harbor. So just remember, it's crucial to pick a partner, to pick friends, to pick acquaintances who not only appreciate your depth but also is willing to navigate those emotional waters alongside of you. So be your amazing empathic self, but also prioritize your own well-being. Lean into the tools we've talked about your impact journal, your mindfulness practices and open communication with your partner. They're your life buoys in this ocean of emotion. Relationships are a give and take, but for impasse the lines can blur super easily, and that's why it's so important to stay anchored in yourself while you explore the depths with someone else. Until next time, keep those energy levels high and your emotional scuba tanks full. Thank you so much, you guys, and I will see you next time. Bye.